Sunday, April 27, 2008

Hiatus until May 16th!

Testing schedule for the next three weeks:
May 3rd: SAT US History
May 7th: AP Calculus AB
May 9th: AP US History
May 15th: AP Macroeconomics & AP Microeconomics

I shouldn't complain -- I have no right to. There are students who are taking five AP exams and three SAT Subject Tests, as well as students who do not have access to the breadth of testing opportunities that I have.

However, I am overwhelmed with work. I average two hours of sleep every night, and every school day I have at least two tests and one quiz. I only wore heels once this past week -- and I tripped down the stairs for the first time as a result of fatigue.

Consequently, I think people have too much faith in me -- from my journalism adviser who tells me that I don't give myself enough credit to the bloggers at Step into College who recently called me a "budding superwoman".

Indeed, I do get straight As -- but I am not naturally gifted at any particular academic subject. As I stated before, I average two hours of sleep a night. I don't let myself "take a break", per say -- when I'm not studying, I'm working in fashion journalism, volunteering, cheerleading, baking cupcakes for my friends, or reading a good book. Other than watching Gossip Girl, I honestly do not allow myself "idle time". Being idle makes me very unhappy and restless, in fact.

At lunch recently, a friend said, "Calculus AB is so easy. I don't even study or do the homework and I have an A+ in that class."

I looked down in shame and excused myself from the table with a shy giggle and a blown kiss. I was struggling for hours every day just to maintain a grade in that class within the borderline of an A- and an A. I came into class for extra help at 7:00am on a regular basis, stayed there for designated Extra Help sessions, asked for help after-school, and even had a classmate tutoring me sporadically. I felt incredibly stupid.

At another instance during lunch, the same group of friends I was eating with was exchanging answers for the biology test next period. I covered my ears because I didn't want to hear -- I studied for six hours the night before. It wasn't fair that they always earned better grades than me on the biology tests, no matter how I studied -- they always exchanged the answers with one another.

Or perhaps, they are just smarter. I have no claim to academic greatness anyway.

When my classmates, who raise thousands of dollars to save the world or who win national science awards, congratulate me on being one of Seventeen's "Best-Dressed Girls in America" or attaining my coveted fashion internship with Seventeen or on winning national cheerleading championships, I'm actually rather confused because they have achieved such greater things compared to me.

"Why do you work so hard?" sighed my mommy at 3:00 in the morning, as she saw me memorizing Spanish vocabulary in nothing but underwear and an oversized bright orange Princeton sweater.

"Because I can," I replied curtly.

Feel free to email me, cutefaces! I'm rooting for each and every one of you.

ex.oh.ex.oh
Miss Couturable

P.S. I mention that my "accomplishments" aren't very impressive compared to that of a national science or math or writing award or single-handedly raising thousands of dollars for charity because 1) Being chosen as one of Seventeen's "Best-Dressed Girls in America" didn't merit any hard work or effort. Or achievement, for that matter -- I just enjoy dressing up. 2) Attaining my internship as a high-schooler probably entails that I've worked hard -- but at the same time, I refuse to consider it to be any position of "prestige" because it is just another platform to learn from more amazing people. I have a long way to go before I earn my name in the fashion publishing industry. 3) I was only one of 30 cheerleaders on my team at nationals -- my team as a whole is extraordinary. 4) There are plenty of things in my life that I am proud of, but I do not consider myself to be special in any way. I am lucky, hard-working, and grateful.
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